Saturday, November 17, 2012

Irony, the Equivocator--How can Christians be sure this isn't their God?

In the fourth chapter of God Doesn't; We Do, in which I employ excruciating care on the topic of how God is (and isn't) defined--even just as a philosophical construct--I present an alternative definition for the God of the Bible that I call "Irony, the Equivocator." Here is the segment from the book where I introduce this thorny character.
Irony, the Equivocator, is defined by his nature, which is as a perfect equivocator. At every turn, he seeks to make the issue of his existence muddled. To achieve this end, he inspired the revealed scriptures of the world just as they are, inspired the prophets just as they spoke, and created the universe just as we see it down to the last detail. Nature exists to give the illusion of design and all the evidence of none with science doing a better job than any religious attempt to explain it. The scriptures are self-contradictory and self-authoritative. His spirit can be felt, is self-authenticating, and moves people both to belief and disbelief. He answers prayers, or doesn't, or sometimes answers “no” or “wait,” but does so silently or through an inner voice no one else can hear. He occasionally makes his many voices loud enough to make someone appear schizophrenic and simultaneously allows people to be schizophrenic without his influence, and he does so indistinguishably. He mischievously helps well-to-do women find their keys in time to get to a party to get drunk and lets desperate innocent children pray themselves into starvation simply because it muddles the cases both for and against him. Truly, he works in mysterious ways, and nothing that we observe or do not observe is contrary to his nature. He has a plan for all of us but makes it incomprehensible to us. He makes us in his own image as deceivers, and he inspires infidels to speak against him as neatly as he inspires believers to speak for him. He controls every aspect of the universe, including the weather, and makes it apparently random and haphazard enough to require churches that worship him to buy insurance policies and to install lightning rods on their steeples, which they would need anyway because he would occasionally send a bolt into a church to equivocate on that point as well. He inspires multiple versions of the One True Faiths in the world, among others, including faiths that deny that any god is necessary, simply to keep the matter confusing and difficult.

Irony, the Equivocator, is thus defined to be God, exactly as He is claimed to be, with one subtle but important difference that prevents him from being an utter horror. This god wants us to figure it out, to solve his cosmic riddle. Therefore, the reports of heaven and hell are of a reality, though perhaps wrong in detail, and it is part of his plan to report the consequences in reverse. Believers who cannot see through the smoke and mirrors upon which religious faiths are built are punished eternally in hell. Infidels that reject belief entirely are rewarded for their use of their God-given intellects and find Paradise, where they will, no doubt, find Irony laughing at the poor, tortured credulous and thus lost souls, just like he inspired Tertullian, the founder of Western theology, to believe would be a chief pleasure of those in heaven.
My question, then, is simple: How can Christians be sure that Irony isn't really their God?


If you enjoy my writing, you can read more of it in my first book, God Doesn't; We Do: Only Humans Can Solve Human Challenges. If you choose to pick it up, I thank you for your support of myself, my family, and indie authors in general.

1 comment:

  1. Well done! It's clear and concise. Great writing style.